Kannon's book

KANNON

 Sitting here, reading through this water logged book, trying to make sense of it and wondering if maybe the life I'm living now is better then the one that I can't remember. The person I assume is me was such a bad person who did horrible things even if he only did them because he thought it was what was best or wanted at the time. I'm not sure if I want to be that type of bully again.

 

FALCON CHARACTER

 That's ...partially why I hadn't told you. Who you were has nothing to do with who you are. I didn't want you to feel guilty.

 

KANNON

But those were still my sins even if I can't remember them. They were done with these hands, lies fell from these lips. I think I need to head to a church. Maybe confession can help with these heavy sins I carry.

 

FALCON

Church? ...

How about this. I know a god who can absolve you. Small-God Iolyn. I believe he may have contacted you by now. He keeps rather close tabs on my friends.

 

IOLYN

I was summoned?

Oh, I've seen him before. Yes...-eyes the man quietly-

 

FALCON

My apologies. Cin's cousin is your priestess, I believe.

 

IOLYN

Oh yes, her. Charming lady, absolutely delightful.

 

FALCON

She can be, though I've heard she has quite the background in torture.

 

IOLYN

How very interesting. I'm sure it will come in handy at some point, though I hope it doesn't have to.

 

FALCON

So do I. You think I'm scary when I'm mad? She's at least a hundred times worse.

 

IOLYN

Well, I haven't seen you angry yet, little one.

So I have no basis for comparison.

 

FALCON

Ohhh, that's riiiiiiiight. You weren't actually there when I flew off the handle with Failsauce in January.

April 9, 2012 | Labi Dove's Diary

 I was thought to be dead, but this was not so. I have the duty to care for my dear Doriane, with the help of my new husband, Sharuka (Hatman). At first I was concerned that the retroactively reincarnated ex-demon may still have feelings for Evryn, or failing that, her sister Penryn, but this is not the case. He is a good husband and under his influence, Doriane is growing again.

August 29, 2011 | Cygnet's Diary

 I think I may be falling in love with Brandy. This is bound to end badly. I'm meant to be showing her that not everyone is as hateful as the Lathories and to show one of her personas some love, loyalty-- the romantic or sexual kind of loyalty--and affection.

No promises. No demands.

It wouldn't do to fall in love with the woman herself. She's perfectly lovely, but I don't trust myself not to hurt her if this becomes more than just an experiment.

3 June 2011 | Sinead diary

 SINEAD

I think my master may be insane. She modeled me after someone called Vexie. She calls me "New Vexie." I'm a golem. I depend on her to give me livelihood, but I think she depends more on me to feel loved and warm. She leans on me. When she holds me a peaceful smile spreads across her face and she disappears into her own mind. She promised if I take care of her, she'll love me forever. I promised her the same. She hasn't seemed as depressed the past couple of days, but I know she misses the original of me.

June 2, 2011 | Levine diary

 D. LEVINE

Told Rini I drugged K with sedatives and she isn't in a real coma.

Rini, your little friend broke her and I'll do whatever it takes to put her back together again. I printed this Megu person's face and put it on the Hope doll she made. You should have seen her face light up when I brought it in for her. Course, she was too hopped up on sedatives to know it wasn't real. But it made her feel better and that's what matters.

3 May 2011 | Désmoda diary

3:50 a.m.

DESMODA

It's been over a year since Illybrius's death. I don't think anyone, not even my own dear cousin, realises the impact his death had on me, who knew him the longest, if not the best. When he came back and had the opportunity to speak with us, it was the newcomers Akuma and Orion he chose to impart with his last words. Now he's gone.

I may have taken his death the hardest of everyone. We were close. Never as close as Maheone and he, but close enough. I suppose he thought that since I'm stronger and handle myself better than the Enzerus, I wasn't in need of a last word. He thought I'd go through it stone-faced, like I do everything else. No emotion. No tears. Just a strong guiding hand like always. No. I couldn't keep his counterpart, whose life he entrusted to me, out of trouble. I was too busy thinking about myself and my grief to keep an eye on her. What happened last month was as much my fault as it was that man's. I could have kept her away, but I didn't, and she's still suffering because of it. She and Illybrius both depended on me to protect her. It was my duty. I failed in that duty.

Foolish. I'm the reason she and Keyi didn't work out in the first place. I filled her head with intellectual elitism and closed her mind and heart against the human race because of my own suffering. I put it in her head to bully and manipulate her way into someone's bed, and for what? She made the choice, but I put it in her head!

When I came back, I promised I would take better care of her, and I haven't. I have taken care not to fill Ord's head with the same elitist fluff, but for Cinnamon, nothing. Her grades and scholastic motivation have slipped. She's hardly recognisable. As strong as she'd like to be, that man damaged her. It's my fault and I feel a disgrace. I feel I've failed Illybrius all over again.

All because I wanted to know why he didn't say goodbye to me.

It's in your hands now, Levine. Take good care of her for me and try to undo some of my mistakes.

February 23, 2011

 I wrote a letter to Terri saying that I'm considering moving back to Switzerland, because as it is, I'm a complete monster and need to rehabilitate myself, and my relationship with Marie is getting too complicated. I wonder how much she'll pass onto Corri. Corri's speaking to me again. Bastion contacted me to ask a favour, then made himself unavailable almost immediately.

February 6, 2011

 On the night of his birthday-- Friday night-- Levine slept with a man for the first time. That man was Hansel Zuckerman, his roommate from Santa Cruz. Being quite a talented proctologist, Hansel knew how to bring Levine pleasure, but the pain was an unfortunate side effect as Levine is unaccustomed to that kind of sex. Hansel slept with me, too, and in this way blackmailed Levine into becoming his lover. Levine said he's fine with it as long as I'm safe.

January 30, 2011

 Sunday | 4:16 p.m.

I tire of useless people, including myself. It won't be my responsibility to help the proletariat more than he asks for. I'll bet he doesn't even show up tomorrow. Not that I care, but I won't waste my time either way. How can he possibly justify objecting to my use of a code name for him when he's off with his head in the clouds? I mean, honestly, changing his whole persona so his mean old family won't pick on him anymore? How sickeningly pedestrian.

January 29, 2011

 Saturday | 5:28 p.m.

I'm so tired. I've been watching things like Bones, Burn Notice, and Gossip Girl. I've been hoping they'd give me some clue as to how to deal with Corri, but I've had no lightbulb moments, nothing to illuminate the way. It gets exhausting keeping track of appearances and personas all the time. I can't even control my dream scenarios as well as I used to. I'm just so tired. I can barely keep my own image straight, let alone help Bastion with his. He wants to become a "gentleman rogue". But the reasoning is so... silly. He wants to feel like other than a slave to his family and build up his self-confidence. A persona won't help with that. It's the sort of thing that comes from within.

I can't even handle my own imaging. How am I meant to help anyone else with theirs? I roleplay to escape myself, not to become someone. I'm so childish.

Typical. Wants my help and yet can't be bothered to pick up the phone. The way he comes across is so awkward. It's obvious he's trying to force himself to be someone he's not. He's trying too hard. Unfortunately, being so low in self-confidence means he'll grasp at any validation he can get. It's like an auction. He has no loyalty because his standing constantly shifts to go with the highest bidder. Also, we never discussed what I would be getting in return. It's certainly not the charm of his company, and I'm not naïve enough to think he's asking my help because I'm the only one out there he trusts. Neither of us can really trust the other, so I have to be careful. There's a reason he's getting involved again, one that he won't readily tell me.

January 13, 2011

Meeting up with Bastion later. Gave Corri an epic verbal bitch slap on Facebook. Mom complimented me on it. Heh. Corri says she hates me and wishes we'd never met. Guess she's not a sociopath, then.

11 January 2011

 Tuesday | 2:22 p.m.

So once again we're speaking. Not Corri and me. The other one. He sent me an e-card out of nowhere. Finally, he seems to accept that he can never have me. Anyway, he's still a simpleton, but any information on Corri can potentially be of use to me.

January 3, 2011

 Monday | 6:00 a.m.

How is this possible? I touched a few papers from the ⭐🚸folder that used to belong to Bastion and immediately got dizzy the same way I dissociated with Corri. I'm taking a shower now. I feel vile.

December 30, 2010

 Thursday | 6:54 p.m.

I think Blades might have a thing for me. He's breaking up with his boyfriend because they haven't talked in three days. He frequently comments on my, er, appealing looks. And I think he's a little jealous of Levine.

November 29, 2010

Even tried to kill herself on Saturday night. She drank an entire bottle of Jack and some homemade eggnog. Magenta broke up with her because of her "obvious" feelings for me. She said she was relieved about the breakup, but upset about Magenta being right. Even, Vexie, and I were in a group chat. She seemed happy enough, then randomly signed off. Computer problem, I assumed. When she came back on, she asked me to check my texts. My phone had been off due to battery issues. I turned it on and got 7 texts asking if I was mad at her, telling me she's sorry she loves me so much, and that she never even loved Magenta that much, and begging me to talk to her. Even, Vexie, and I are now in a triumvirate. I'm trying to balance my attention to minimize jealousy.

Apparently Chris hates Corri-- Chris being Blades-- and is spoon-feeding me interesting information. I approve of this. Turns out she didn't graduate high school at all-- she got expelled because she was hospitalized too many days. I'll be happy to take whatever information I can get.

November 21, 2010

 3:58 p.m.

Talked to Chris, Corri's friend, last night. He's got no idea who the Sousse sisters are. He claims Illybrius was his first male love. He also thinks "the fucker" died in May. And that it had something to do with a car accident. Fail.

I'll have to play my cards quite carefully, as I strongly suspect his troll persona was just obfuscating stupidity. Those smart enough to convincingly play dumb are often the most dangerous of us all.

8:00 p.m.

Chris also thinks Illybrius lived on the east coast and visited him at least twice a month. What a crock. He's joined my Den of Hearts and Jason's Superior Destiny. Marie's not online or I'd let her know.

November 20, 2010

 On the 16th, Corri had a status change on AOL saying that she didn't feel like celebrating her birthday if "the one who means the most" to her is gone. Let's see. she could mean Akuma, except that she's blocked me so I can't ask what's up. Bastion is also a possibility-- he hasn't been replying to her status changes lately, nor has he been on The Glass Isles. It could be Devin or Trowa, except that she changed her user picture recently to be of herself and Trowa. It looks recent. It could be her grandmother, who passed away recently.

November 9, 2010

 Levine says Corri's getting suspicious. Lena suggested he take it as a challenge; Levine says that since it's nothing more than a social experiment, he doesn't care.

November 1, 2010 at 9:40 a.m. | Cin/Ord diary

CIN/ORD?

I wasn't lying when I told Corri I had an older guy over. (Or a crazy girl, for that matter.)

According to Corri, Stile created a body that looks just like Lee and infused it with Orion's memories of Lee. He hopes to bring Orion out of his crystal using the body. Jason figures that since clones are mostly data, and since the Badyan is a crossroads, he could just hook the body up to his father's computer, expunge the data, and then it would just be a blank slate. First we need the body.

Her mom also says Corri seems unhappy... despite Corri having told me she's never been happier now that she has Trowa.

Illybrius => Orion | Sat, Jan 10, 2009 at 5:51 p.m. (one line)

 Illybrius: nuzzles and gives Master Ori a hello kiss