3:50 a.m.
DESMODA
It's been over a year since Illybrius's death. I don't think anyone, not even my own dear cousin, realises the impact his death had on me, who knew him the longest, if not the best. When he came back and had the opportunity to speak with us, it was the newcomers Akuma and Orion he chose to impart with his last words. Now he's gone.
I may have taken his death the hardest of everyone. We were close. Never as close as Maheone and he, but close enough. I suppose he thought that since I'm stronger and handle myself better than the Enzerus, I wasn't in need of a last word. He thought I'd go through it stone-faced, like I do everything else. No emotion. No tears. Just a strong guiding hand like always. No. I couldn't keep his counterpart, whose life he entrusted to me, out of trouble. I was too busy thinking about myself and my grief to keep an eye on her. What happened last month was as much my fault as it was that man's. I could have kept her away, but I didn't, and she's still suffering because of it. She and Illybrius both depended on me to protect her. It was my duty. I failed in that duty.
Foolish. I'm the reason she and Keyi didn't work out in the first place. I filled her head with intellectual elitism and closed her mind and heart against the human race because of my own suffering. I put it in her head to bully and manipulate her way into someone's bed, and for what? She made the choice, but I put it in her head!
When I came back, I promised I would take better care of her, and I haven't. I have taken care not to fill Ord's head with the same elitist fluff, but for Cinnamon, nothing. Her grades and scholastic motivation have slipped. She's hardly recognisable. As strong as she'd like to be, that man damaged her. It's my fault and I feel a disgrace. I feel I've failed Illybrius all over again.
All because I wanted to know why he didn't say goodbye to me.
It's in your hands now, Levine. Take good care of her for me and try to undo some of my mistakes.
