No one has been around today. Maybe they all think I'm being annoying. I've been left to my own devices before. I didn't like it. Xander hasn't fed for days, once again. Am I not even good for being vampire food? I've also been on standby in case the club needs anything. So far, they haven't. I don't know what to do with myself except keep writing inane rubbish.
Dany was surprising last night. Sometimes he's nicer than others. Last night, he was nice. I don't know how to describe it, but it made me feel a little less lonely. I remembered how we met before. Duckie introduced us. I offered him my best skill, or at least the one people seem to value the most. It didn't go beyond the offer. It's too soon to tell whether I'll regret not following through the moment we met up again. He likes the way I look, or seems to, but when he finds out the truth about me, will he switch to constantly insulting me, like... like some have?
I don't want to think about that. It's heartbreaking.
The only person who hasn't broken my heart yet, out of all my involvements, has fittingly been my husband. But it's only a matter of time. There have been days I've been afraid to go home in case I were to catch him with someone. Hypocritical of me, isn't it? He scolds me, sometimes. For not coming home enough. For spending my time chasing after men who seem to hate me. Okay, so maybe I'm breaking my own heart. Maybe it really is all my fault.
I feel certain Luci has explained why he loves me, but I don't remember, and it doesn't make sense to me why he, or anyone, would. What could anyone possibly see in me, besides my good looks and abilities in bed?
I thought maybe Erik and I could become friends, thought he was over hating me, but apparently that's not the case. He did just get out of the hospital, so it's not like he doesn't have reason to be pissy, but damn, I didn't put him there!
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